Comfortable with the Uncomfortable
Saturday, September 1, 2018 – Frankfurt Airport.
A week ago, I began drafting a goodbye post to Deutschland. At that time, I was sad and upset. I hated how attached I had become to Giessen and how good times were coming to an end. When I thought of leaving the place that became home, I shed my fair share of tears. However, as I went on my last run around town to my favorite spots, I began to reflect and understand how well Giessen and Deutschland have treated me. Until then, I don’t think I realized how much I needed this summer, full of new experiences and perspectives.
With that, my sadness turned into content. Honestly, I would LOVE to live in this shitty ass town for a couple of more months. (I haven’t felt homesick at all, rather I do miss people from home.) But, as my final days began to approach, everything started to come full circle. I spent a week solo traveling in Budapest and Krakow, and I finally proved to myself that I am capable of being independent, being happy when I am alone, and being able to take care of myself. I had a final wholesome dinner making spring rolls with my flatmates. I met up with a few of my closest friends in Frankfurt, where we had lunch for the last time and they sent me off to the airport. This summer, I don’t think I’ve ever been so confident that everything happens for a reason. When I began to pack my belongings and reflect on my experiences, I felt a huge sense of happiness as everything was falling into place, where I knew it was the perfect time to leave. So yes, I’m sad that this wild adventure is over. But, I’m leaving this country with memories and experiences that have been so so so life-defining and friends that will last for a lifetime.
I’m excited to go back to Seattle and tackle my third year in uni with new perspectives on how I see the world and how I see myself. And I’m ready to share my experiences with others and give HUGE hugs to my friends and family.
Saturday, September 22, 2018 – Home.
A few (contrasting) random thoughts…
This summer, I spent more time on a plane than in my own bedroom in the suburbs. It has been three days since I arrived back in the states. I don’t think I have ever enjoyed being at home as much as I have these last few days. However, I feel drained, incredibly stressed with responsibilities, and overwhelmed by the reality of classes.
But, I do want to say it has been an interesting past few days. The minute I stepped in Seattle, I knew I was back home. The many little things I learned to love and appreciate during my time in Europe and Asia do not exactly appear to be the same in the PNW. So, it has been interesting finding myself yearn (a bit) to turn back time.
I think I became so comfortable with feeling uncomfortable (how ironic) that I feel a bit empty and confused. I just need to adjust back to my typical university life of difficult classes, demanding responsibilities, and restless nights. And with time, I am certain that I’ll rediscover all the wonderful parts that make Seattle feel like home.
Edit:
Sunday, September 23.
I don’t want to sell my short. And I refuse to admit it, but I do think I changed a little bit since coming back home. I have gained perspectives from people all over the world and seen a lot of what the world can offer. My goal for this upcoming year is to solidify all that I have learned, especially about myself. By this, I mean that I don’t want to rewind to the old habits that I was never proud of / I want to truly instill the different perspectives I have gained and apply it to how I see everything around me, even if I am located in Seattle.
Over time, I found writing as an outlet to be completely honest with myself about my experiences and thoughts. And to be real, I can have insane social anxiety, FOMO, and sense of self-consciousness. But, these last few months away from home, I confronted these aspects that I have always struggled with. I was able to see how I see myself and how I perceive life to be enjoyed from a different perspective. I was insanely happy and content with life. So, entering the new year, I don’t want to forget how good I can feel about myself or the people around me.
Reminders to myself: Self-care and know your worth. That is all.