the year of growth
Yesterday, I met up with one of my closest friends and it’s been a solid couple of months since we’ve last seen each other. And WOW, I was not expecting such a relaxing Saturday morning, where things felt so so so effortless. Our typical interactions consist of sharing stories, gossiping a bit, and him grilling me with tough reflective questions that usually result in me fidgeting and feeling uncomfortable lol. From one cafe to the next, it was nice to check out a new coffee shop at our old spot and to drink an 8-ounce drip for pure enjoyment rather than the need for a caffeine boost.
No one understands our friendship, not even myself or him. But, I think it stems from how oddly similar we are. We share similar experiences and parallels to how we think, function, and observe the things around us.
Being introspective, we talked about how I have grown within the past year or since entering college. He commented that I’ve changed. I feel like people often become defensive when others express how they have changed. I’m guilty of often reacting negatively to this idea because I don’t want to lose parts of my identity or myself. But, this comment had a positive connotation, and it shows how the personal baby steps I have taken toward furthering my personal growth has been recognized by someone who understands how I work and someone I highly respect and value their word.
With that, how have I changed? I guess in loose terms, I “matured”. All throughout high school and entering college, I hesitantly admitted to myself that I’m a people pleaser. I do a lot of things to make other people happy and to impress others. I want to know as many people as possible, to be involved in every organization on campus, and the list goes on. It’s the Aries in me. I’m stubborn, ambitious, and an overachiever. However, when I entered college, I don’t think I had a strong sense of my own passions and identities, despite my “successful” effort of portraying myself to be well-composed and headstrong.
I don’t know what caused me to change. Maybe it was my experiences abroad or fallouts with people I thought were friends or times when I was alone. With both amazing and awful experiences and alone time where I was stuck with my own thoughts, I had many realizations. And in short, I just don’t care anymore for bullshit. With my relationships and how I spend my time, I strive to be intentional. For the first time in my life, I have learned how to be selfish and do what’s best for me without caring what other people think. I have learned to be okay saying no and stepping away from something and/or someone that isn’t good for my own mental or physical health. (goodbye fomo)
In summary, I would say I walk with more self-confidence. I know my own worth. I know the influence I can have. I know how I can contribute to my communities and the impact I can make. I know what I am capable of and that I can achieve whatever I pursue with hard work.
Life isn’t easy, but as long as I believe in myself, everything will be okay.
I don’t think I ever imagined that I would become the person I am today. And, I’m proud of the person I have become – constantly seeking new ways to grow.
Cheers to 2018. You have treated me well xx