Self Love
goal of 2019: to learn to love myself.
For the first time in a long time, I feel content. I entered the new year thinking of how much I want a balance between academics/commitments and my genuine well-being. I said it so much that I thought I could speak it into existence. And to my surprise, things organically worked out on its own, where I have learned to manage my anxiety, further develop old and new relationships, find myself at home in my communities, and most importantly learn to love myself.
This realization came with the help of a variety of conversations that began with the simple question of "what's on your mind?" So this is what's been on my mind lately:
I have always been a people pleaser. However, the minute I discovered how freeing it feels when you give zero shits about what other people think, I noticed my general happiness soar. For once in my life, I have learned that it is okay to be selfish. That sometimes you just need to focus on what's best for you in terms of being selective who enter your life and how you devote your energy.
The idea of intentionality. Relating to the first point, I have really instilled intentionality about how I invest my time into the right people who reciprocate my effort and the extracurriculars I gain value from.
My life is full of proximity friends, but only a few people know all the dimensions of me. Recently, that small list has been growing quite immensely and being the people-oriented person I am, it has brought me so much joy to feel so connected with others.
I have always hated free-time. I crave for productivity to have some purpose. This quarter, I learned that free-time can be productive itself, where I have taken baby steps to prioritize self-care and I have seen the difference in my own mental health.
I have yet to feel stress this winter. In comparison to panic attacks every other day in the Fall, I have been more at ease. Firmly believing that everything will work out at the end has allowed me to realize that disregarding my mental health is unproductive and simply not worth it. Learning to change my perspective on how to handle my anxiety and responsibilities has really done wonders.
I feel very thankful every day for the unconditional love and support from my family to UW Leaders to AKPsi.
All these ideas tie together. With intentionality, I have focused my time and energy into relationships that matter, and most importantly, the relationship I have with myself. Life is not a linear path. There are going to be a lot of curve balls thrown at you and road bumps along the way, but knowing how to tackle those challenges are what going to keep you moving forward.